Saw: Bloody Dragons!
by ShinyDemon56
Summary: [Crossover] So...What happens when all the Mary and Gary Sues of Eragon wake up inside different rooms and find themselves trapped?
1. Mountain Dew and Urine

_Who's there?!_

Saphira jerked awake, hitting her shiny, blue head on a conrete wall. _Ow... _she murmered, her head throbbing.

_Who the fuck is there?! I'm not afraid to attack you!_

Saphira, completely ignoring her injured head, got up. But to only be thrown down again by some kind of chain. _Ow... _she murmered again, as her legs pulsed with pain. She shook her head, and the voice shrilled again,

_Who's there? Oh...Please...Be Murtagh..._

Saphira blinked. It was vaguely familer...

_Thorn? _she peeped curiously.

_Yes. Are you Murtagh? _Thorn replied gleefully.

_No, I am not Murtagh. I'm Saphira._

_Oh. The rip-off's dragon._

_Eragon is not a rip-off!_

_Oh please. Eragon is such a rip-off of Aragon._

_No way!_

_Yep. If you don't-_

Suddenly, lights burst on. The small room was a musty, dirty bathroom-like place. There was a huge mirror almost running the whole length of the wall. Mold and mildew were collecting under neath some of the tiles. Saphira saw Thorn huddled in a corner. His scales shone in the light of the lights. His fangs glistened like pearls. A huge, black rat scampered behind a huge bathtub in the middle of the huge warehouse bathroom.

_Where the hell are we? _Thorn squeaked nervously.

_I don't know. It seems all too familer, though. Like I've seen this before... _Saphira answered, inspecting the room.

_Saphira...We're chained. _Thorn bekoned to a chain that was locked onto his legs. Saphira's heart fluttered; she was scared that something might hurt them.

_Whoa, really? I didn't know that. _Saphira snorted sarcastically.

_You can breath fire, right?_

_No, I breath ice._

_I'm serious, Saphira._

_All right, all right. Don't be such a whiner. I can breath fire. How 'bout you?_

_I can. I was thinking maybe we could melt the metal off?_

_Saphira?_

_Are you dead?_

_YOU'RE AN IDIOT. MELTING THE FRIGGIN' METAL???!!! YOU'RE SO STUPID!_

_At least I made a suggestion, when you're just sitting on your ass doing nothing!_

_You shut the-_

"Hello, Saphira and Thorn," a cold voice rang out throughout the room. "You must be wondering why you're here. I just want to play a little game," the voice paused, probably to either get a breath or let the horror sink in. "Uh...You're breathing in a deadly nerve gas. You see those Mountain Dew bottles on the ground next to you? They contain the antidote. Either drink them or die. Uh...See you!"

Thorn looked at Saphira. _What the hell... _he said, his eye twitching. Saphira shrugged her shoulders. Or maybe she doesn't have any shoulders. I guess she just shrugged her bulk.

_You know, Saphira, _Thorn hesitated, _I was just thinking...We're dragons. Couldn't we just listen to logic and just break ourselves free? Just give the chains a good yank and get out of here?_

_But that would totally defeat the purpose of this being a horror-themed fanfic!_

_Wait...This is scarey?_

"Dude and dudette, you have to make your decision! Either drink the antidote or die!" the voice yelled, sounding strikingly like a collage frat boy. Saphira rolled her eyes, and bought herself to claw the two Mountain Dew bottles towards her.

_Here, _she said, passing one of them to Thorn.

Thorn opened his first. It didn't even fizzle. It didn't fizzle to my schizzle (Sorry, I just had to add that!). Oh. My. God. The fuckin' horror. Thorn gaspe and then dropped the bottle, spilling the antidote all over the floor.

_You idiot! _Saphira screamed. She glared at Thorn with disgust.

_What? We can still share your bottle._

_Fuck that! Its mine! _Saphira snorted, but then the bottle "slipped" out of her claws and landed on the floor and rolled towards the middle of the room. Thorn and Saphira glared at each other. Huge red letters appeared in the air, spelling out,

FIGHT!

Saphira lunged at the center, only to be jerked back by the chains. Thorn chose a more "practial" course.

_Let the Force be with me! _Thorn tried in vain to get the bottle by using the Force, but it wasn't working. Saphira smirked at his failed adempts to get the bottle.

_Beam it up, Scotty. _Saphira said smugly. The bottle dissapeared, then appeared back in Saphira's claws.

_Damn! _Thorn slapped the ground. _I always knew Star Trek was better!_

_That was fun. Anyway, I'll share with you. Oh, what's that, your a Star Wars fanboy? Oh...In that case, I'll be guzzlin' this life-saver for meself. _

_NOOOOOO! _Thorn screamed.

Saphira giggled like a Teletubby, then opened the Mountain Dew bottle, and drank it all in one glup. "OH MY GOD! Dude, look, look, look!"

A TV in the wall turned on, and there was frat boys laughing hestercially at the blue dragon.

"Holy shit! She drank your urine, dude!"

"See, I told you this would work!"

Saphira dropped the bottle, and it crashed onto the floor. Thorn sniggered.

_What did it taste like? _he laughed.

_I hate you._

**Teehee. And by the way, the two frat boys represent a story I read on the Internets about these guys who got someone to drink their own urine. Gross, but entertaining. Yes, there will be more retardism. Is that even a word? Look out for new chapters! **

**  
Peeace. (Horrible pun, I know. I'm running out of ideas.)**


	2. Barney & Eragon

**Disclaimer: **Don't own. Don't sue. Please.

If you're against anything really perverted, please don't read this. I made this installment slightly more disturbing than the first one. Uh...Enjoy.

Eragon twitched his fingers, just to see if they were broken. They didn't hurt, so Eragon was about to shrug his shoulders when one blinking light blub zapped on, making him jump so high his chair moved an inch. He was in a small, dank room; probably not that bigger than a jail cell. Then his breathing became shallow, so Eragon took a relaxing, deep breath and counted to three before breathing again. He hated small rooms. For all he cared, they could all go to Hell.

Eragon noticed for the first time a (You guessed it) small, classic TV. It was retro looking; with those knob thingys and very crappy screen. Eragon felt a pang of embarrassment that he knew was Saphira's. _I wonder what's wrong, _he thought, trying in vain to twiddle his thumbs even though his arms were tied to the arms of a chair. He is stupid, afterall.

After a few minutes of patheic twiddling, his nose itched. Bad. Eragon threw his head down on one of the arms, and scratched his nose on it.

"Hi, kids!" a very loud, very annoying, almost humanoid voice bleated. Eragon jumped, causing his head to snap up and cause a mild whiplash that left his head aching. The TV was now on, picturing a fat, gay purple dinorsaur thing.

"Hi, Barney!" greeted equally annoying fake school girls and boys. They all waved at Barney, and he waved back. Eragon's eye twitched.

"Hey kids, let's go into my van and you guys can lick my lollipop!" he suggested, gesturing to a white van convently parked in the middle of a playground.

"Okay, Barney!" they all screamed, and continued to skip to the van.

Barney herded them all in, and the screen faded to black, saying 'A Few Minutes Later...' in bold, gigantic type, as if the person is some kind of moron that can't even say his/her own name. Then after the screen came back again, there was Barney, his head against a cop car's truck, and his arms behind his back.

"You sick creep!" the po po yelled in his ear over and over, while punching Barney.

"You don't understand!" Barney insisted, but the only answer he got was a roundhouse kick to his face by Chuck Norris. "No, really! When I said, 'And you guys can lick my lollipop', I actually meant they could lick my lollipop!"

One of the fugly kids came running over to them. "Its true!" he screeched in his unusually high voice. He held up a Toosie Pop, with it licked right to its core.

"Told ja!" Barney yelled, choking on his own blood. The po po shrugged, and muttered something like, "At least I'm getting paid," and uncuffed Barney.

"YAY!" the kids all shouted, some of them crying dramtically.

"Kids," Barney said, drawing the pack of kids closer to him, "This-- hopefully --is a life lesson." he said, nodding solemly.

"This was, Barney!" they all screamed.

"What did you learn, then?"

"To not go into strangers' vans unless they have free candy!" the fuglies screamed, jumping up and down in wild, fake happiness.

"Good dogs!" Barney giggled, and pet some of them on their heads.

The screen flashed to black, and the credits came rolling up. By the time they did, Eragon was dead. The gayness and crappyness of it all killed him at a young age. It was just too much gayness for such a young heart. Hopefully where ever he is, Barney's not with him. Because I'm pretty sure Barney would rape him.

**Hey, hey, hey. Thank you for reading this retarded chapter. Even if it meant losing five billion brain cells. Bye...Watch out for some more chapters...**


	3. Fangirls

**Thank you for the reviews. I feel awesome. Anyway, enjoy the story. I tried to make it a little more random like the first chapter. I personally think this is kind of stupid, but uhhh...Enjoy.**

It was really dark inside the room, abyss, or whatever Murtagh was in. His back, head, and feet ached. _What's a smokin' hot guy like me going to do in this kind of situation? _Murtagh thought hard. His tiny, arrogant brain's clockwork began to roll. He seemed to be strapped down into a chair. _A chair. Pfft. They really think they can make me, Murtagh, son of Morzan of the Forsworn and assistant to King Galbotrix, can be kept down onto a chair? Simple magic will do the trick._

_"Wingardium Levoria!" _Murtagh shouted, to hopefully soar into the air and somehow break loose from his chair.

"Ahem," Murtagh eyed a young, curly-haired girl just a few feet away.

"What?" Murtagh hissed.

"Wrong book, idiot." and with a faint pop, she was gone.

"Motherfucking hippie. How rude!" Murtagh whispered. He inspected his chair further. His wrists, elbows, waist, lower back, thighs, and ankles were strapped onto the chiar. There was no chance of escape. Unless...

"THORN!" Murtagh screamed. "Thorniekins!"

There was no reply. Murtagh started to panic.

"Fine, then! I'm not going to give you that condom you wanted!"

_Okay, okay, what do you want? _Thorn whispered, and Murtagh felt so sad for himself and Thorn. They were seperated...Maybe they won't ever see each other again.

_Don't cry, emo kid. _Thorn said rudely. _Look, I'm alone with Saphira's body. I'm scared. The lights went off hours ago. _

_Sorry. I can't do anything 'bout that. _

_I know...It saddens me. Where are you?_

_Some kind of shitty cell. I'm fucking hungery._

_Sorry. Can't do anything about that._

_Thorn!_

_What?_

"WE LOVE YOU, MURTAGH!!!!!!" boomed voices of girls, ages 10 on up. One side of the room literally lifted into the air, revealing a window. It was full of fangirls. Murtagh's eyes bulged. Most of them were pretty fat and fulgy, but some could be hailed as a goddess. Murtagh's eyes twitched.

"Hello...What's his name again?" said a cold and slow voice. Then there was a crumpling of paper. "Oh...Murtagh. Hi. Anyway, welcome to my newest torture device! I call it Fangirls of Ultimate Doom Device! Evidently it has to do with teenaged, Eragon-obsessed fangirls! Holy shit, was that a guy?!" some guy danced in front of the mirror, and bend down, to reveal a message on his ass: 'You can have this!'.

"That's fucking creepy, man," drawled the voice, and it continued on, "Uh. Um...Oh yeah. And Christina Aguilera's music will be blasting while the girls kill each other for your shirt...Bye!"

Murtagh could only watch in horror as the girls smashed through the window towards him. Christina Aguilera's song, Ain't No Other Man, blared on. Some of the fulgies were singing with it in off-key voices. They were like a herd of rhino crashing towards him. And as the first girl touched Murtagh's tunic, hundreds more touched Murtagh. Their mouths were drooling, spit started to gather on his legs.

"TTTTTTHHHHHOOOOOOORRRRRRNNNNNN!" Murtagh screamed, right before the girls started to strip him.

"No, I want the underware! MINE!" one of the fulgies slapped the other one.

"Fuck you, you slut!" another girl said, and slapped her back.

"Stop fighting!" Murtagh screamed out, but his voice was drowned out by even more screams of girls.

"OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! Tell me you love me! I LOVE your voice! So deep and manly!" a seventh grader said, with pimples covering her face.

Murtagh grit his teeth, and said, "Blow me, motherfucker!"

"OOOOH! I'll blow you!"

"NO, I WANT TO BLOW HIM!"

"No, no, no. Pick me, Murtagh Bunny!"

Murtagh grinned. "No, nevermind about that...SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FULGY MORONS!" all the fangirls stopped cooing over his clothing, and looked at him with awe. "Will you guys do anything for me? And I mean anything."

"Yes, Murtagh." they all chanted.

"Hmm...Murtagh says: 'All the hot girls take your tops off!'" all the goddesses stared at him.

"But we aren't wearing any bras!" one of them shouted, with a worried look on her face. The rest nodded.

Murtagh's stomach leaped. "All the more reason to take them off!" he grinned. _Oh shit! This is going to be more fun than I expected!_

All the hot girls shook their heads. "No!" they shouted.

The smile on Murtagh's face slipped off of his face. It was replaced by a even bigger smile. "Okay...Murtagh says: 'Smash your heads on the wall until you bleed!'" the girls shook their heads.

"How about," one of them shouted out, "How about you let us strip you naked, and then you can sing 'Hump De Bump' by RHCP while we are dancing to it?"

Murtagh cocked his head curiously. "But I don't even know that song!"

"OH WELL!" they said, and they leaped for Murtagh. Again. Music for Hump De Bump blared on. "Let's sing it with him!" another girl shouted, and all them nodded their heads. Murtagh felt hands crawl all over him, and people screamed into his ears.

"It must have been a hundred miles, of a hundred styles! It's not the way you smile, but the way we make out!" they sung, while poor Murtagh was being stripped. "Let's kill him! I'm tired of him!" they all screamed, and started biting him. "OW, OW, OW!" Murtagh kept on screaming. They would not stop...

Murtagh's pain grew and grew, until he just died. The last thing he thought was,

_I'm rich, bitch!_

**'I'm rich, bitch!' is a quote from Dave Chappell's Show, in case you didn't know.** **Hump De Bump is a actual song, but I don't own Hump De Bump or Red Hot Chili Peppers or Stadium Acardium. Don't sue. I'm making two more chapters, then I'm done. Yay! Then you won't have to withstand anymore fangirls or Barney.  
**


	4. Durza is a Crybaby

Durza shuddered. As his body jerked violently, he felt something scamper out in between his feet. It was furry. And huge.

"RAT!" Durza screamed. In a flash, he bolted upright and ran in a random direction.

"ARGHH!" something screeched as Durza tripped over it and banged his head into a wall. His head felt like it was spilt in two. Tears gushed out of his eyes as he sobbed in pain and misery.

"You fool!" a voice hissed, and Durza's stomach leaped and he immedatly stopped crying. It was King Galby's voice.

"Sir," Durza said in a annoying, high-pitched voice. "What's up?"

"Shut up," Galby snapped. Durza heard ruffling of cloth. "Where are we?"

"How should I know?! My fucking head feels like shit!" Durza spat. Galby hit Durza's wound, and he yelped in pain.

"Don't. Touch. Me!" Durza snarled. He had the advantage in the dark chamber. He had night vision. Just one swift kick to the nuts...Durza shook his head. He couldn't do that. An enemy could be a hidden ally. And plus, Galby could squash the next rat that came into arm's reach.

"So," Galby spun on Durza, making him flinch. "You're acting all manly now, aren't you? Durza...I know how scared you are of rats..." Galby sneered, but in the dim light, Durza couldn't see that. "What if I didn't help kill a rat?"

Durza shuddered, thinking about that for a moment. Rats sucked far away. Rats, if close, sucked hard. Durza shrugged.

"I guess it won't matter," Durza said dryly. But Galby could tell he was scared. "I could always kill it myself."

"Yeah right!" Galby roared. "You' re a soft, little pu-"

Lights flashed on. There was a single teddy bear in the center of the room. "MISTER FUZZYKINS!" Durza blurted out. Galby raised an eyebrow at him. "What? I had him ever since I was a kid." Durza said sheepishly, scratching his head furiously.

Galby snorted. "Suuure..."

Then, a flame thrower popped out of the ceiling. It aimed directly at the teddy. "NOOOO!" Durza cried. It was too late. Flames curled upwards on the teddy. Durza bounded towards it, but Galby jerked him back, and whispered furiously into his ear, "You patheic fool! Its just a stupid teddy bear!"

"But he's MY teddy!" Durza sobbed, and he slowly sank to his knees. "I loved him!"

"Sex, sex, sex." Galby answered. Durza sniffed, and looked at him. "Wha-?"

"Hello, King Galby and Durza," said another cold voice. Sheesh. A cold voice. Why can't there be a warm and fuzzy voice? Maybe a voice that sounds like Dr. Phil? Just imagine Dr. Phil saying to you, "You're going to die in seven days...And here's how you can survive your last week without going crazy!"

Anyway..."Here's my personal favorite torture device. Teddy Bears on Fire. Pretty self-explantory. Muwhaha!" the voice said, with a cackle of really cheesy laughter. Durza looked at Galby. Galby looked at Durza.

"What?" Galby hissed.

"Another teddy's on fire." Galby pointed to where the flame thrower was. Sure enough, a teddy bear was burning. Durza started crying again. He wondered randomly through the room, half-blinded by tears of sarrow. "NOOOO!" he screeched over and over. He didn't know he was running ever so closer to the torture device. As the flame thrower was preparing to send another teddy into flames, Durza wondered right in front of it.

"AHHHH!!!!" he screamed, "I'M ON FUCKING FIRE! HELP! SHIT! FUCK! AHHHH!!!!" Durza failed his arms, and jumped in front of Galby. "Don't fucking get near-AHHH!!!!" Galby was pretty much on fire too now. Durza hugged him, screaming and clawing Galby's back. Galby kept on trying to push him away, but Durza hung on.

A few hours later, ashes of Galby and Durza lay scattered on the floor.

MUWHAHAHA!!!!


	5. Arya is Trapped

Arya woke up slightly annoyed with herself. She knew that Eragon and her shouldn't have had that extra martini. _Now look at me. I'm in some kind of empty room. Whoa, wait, what was that?!? _Arya jumped up and pulled at her belt, expecting to be bearing a knife in her hand, was nothing. She was relieved no one saw that.

"MUWAHAHA!"

Arya's heart skipped out of her chest. She nearly stopped breathing. There was some puppet boy on a tricycle pedaling towards her, laughing omniously. It rode over a large crack in the concrete floor and fell over.

"Aw, shit! I KNEW we should have filled in that crack!" its laughter slowly died away. Instead, another voice replaced it.

"And Eragon look into Arya's eyes, and he knew they should be together forever..." said a warm and fuzzy voice. It sounded like a shrink. You know, they have that annoying, warm voice. Like poisoned honey. They only want the money. Anyway, Arya drifted into the room where the voice boomed in.

"'I love you...' said Arya ever-so lightly, leaning in closer to Eragon then she ever did. Eragon took in a sharp breath of air. This wasn't Arya. She'd never be so closer to him..." continued the voice. Arya followed it into another room with white-washed walls. Like one of those rooms where they put crazy people in. There sat Oprah Winfrey, reading one of my gay and stupid fanfics I wrote in language arts class. Arya blinked slowly. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Oprah Winfrey, bitch!"

Oprah got up from her chair (she was sitting down on a maple wood table) and declared, "You'll never be as rich as me, you shitty elf!"

"What did you call me, queer?!?"

"A shitty elf!"

"Take that back, bitch!"

"NEVER!!!!!" Oprah screamed, and tried to run away from her. She attacked her, though, and she fell face-first into my imagined concrete floor. Arya punched her. By now Oprah's nose was broken. Oprah punched Arya's stomach, and she ran blindly towards the table where she was reading my fanfic from. She grabbed my pen, and began to write...

..._And right before Arya could kill me, a huge bear somehow appeared out of nowhere! It massacred Arya, eating her little bitchy guts..._

A huge grizzly bear popped there out of nowhere. It roared, and pounced on Arya. Arya "saw" a lightsaber on the ground. At the last minute she grabbed the lightsaber and cut the bear in half. Covered in blood, she leaped up and battle-cried before she attacked Oprah. Oprah calmly stepped out of the way and tripped her. "Bitch!" she yelled, and cracked her whiny, little head on the concrete wall.

Right before she could get out of there, Oprah Winfrey was murdered by the grizzly bear. She was kind of stupid summoning up a bear in the first place. Oh well. Her lost, her gain. You catch my drift? I hope not...Because I don't even know what I'm talking about. Don't ask. Please.

Fin.

**Thanks for reading! I'm sorry if this chapter was shitty, I didn't know what to write. I actually got a favorite for this stupid thing. Thanks, who ever faved this. I own ya one. Before I go, I must quote the god that is Dave Chappell...**

**Hey, hey, hey. Smoke weed everyday! Bye bye. Look out for more stories!  
**


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